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Throw Away Your Vitamins!!!

Angelism: “A healthier you doesn’t come in an over the counter bottle. Stop being fooled by the media, if you are concerned about your health, go to the doctors & have your blood drawn. There, you will find answers.”

I rarely discuss health topics but vitamins and over the counter weight loss pills are crap! Much like many of you, I believed in bottled nutrients and thought they were the key to good health. In my early 20’s I used to take anti-oxidants for immunity, papaya and garlic for good digestion, and fat burners to boost my metabolism. I assumed I’d be healthier, trimmer, and lose weight, all while maintaining energy. What a waste! Now that I work in the medical field I have learned more about nutrition and how the body works. If there is one thing that has been drilled into my head, it is that vitamins are a waste of money and that taking them may do more harm than good.

Now don’t assume all vitamins are bad. Over the counter vitamins do have a purpose. They exist to replenish a nutrient in your body that you are deficient in. How do you know if you are deficient? Go to the doctor’s office and have your labs drawn. If your lab work proves you are deficient then you can take a supplement per the doctor’s orders; if not don’t waste your money. Never diagnose yourself. Your answers to better health will likely not be found in an expensive bottle at the local health food store.

Marketing thrives on informing us that certain vitamins are healthy and will enhance our life. Yes, getting your daily vitamins is important, but this does not mean you need to physically take supplements. In today’s society, food is easily accessible and nutrients are sprinkled into even the unhealthiest of foods. Many of us are nowhere near a deficiency in any one vitamin. The crappiest of breakfast cereals have powdered nutrients in it, and those high fructose corn syrup beverages many Americans drink are doused in vitamin C. Why would you need to take more vitamins? When is the last time you have known of someone having scurvy? Deficiencies are rare. If you eat enough food daily and have a variety of foods in your diet, you are not going to need supplements. If you are concerned, get your blood drawn at your doctor’s office and verify that you are OK.

As for all the other supplements available like Acai Berry pills, Green Tea Extract pills, and other fat burners and over the counter diet pills; I think they are not healthy and a waste of money. There is no answer or quick fix to health and weight loss. If you want to be healthier, look and feel better, then guess what? You will have to work hard to achieve it. Diet and exercise on a regular basis throughout your ENTIRE LIFE is key. Every day it has to be an awareness and a choice. Every day you have to want to be good to your body and take care of it. Health is not something you can buy, it is something you have to earn all on your own!

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Disconnected

Angelism: “When you are out spending time with someone you have that moment to be present with your company. Human interaction is a real thing so put your cell phone down & experience it!”

Before cell phones and laptops, I used to get offended when couples sat at dinner together reading the newspaper or a book. I never understood why they were not engaging with one another or even enjoying the moment they were in. That was back in the 90’s. Today, ignoring the people you are with is common. Tables of 2-10 people, get together to hang out and eat, all while using their cell phones the entire time. Am I the only person who thinks this is awful? If you want to go out to dinner with someone, go out to dinner with them and only them. Engage with that person and experience a meaningful exchange in that moment. If you want to go to dinner with your phone then do so alone and simply text the people you thought you wanted to dine with in person.

Another thing lately that makes me crazy is the constant use of cell phones at work. Last time I checked when I was growing up, jobs did not allow us to bring TVs, cameras, video games, phones, and boom boxes to our 8 hour shift. A cell phone is now all of these things. How is it that we have evolved to a time where employees think it’s OK to Youtube videos for instant entertainment and chat all day via text with friends, while employers sit back and allow it? The attention span and awareness of people in our new fast past, technology driven world, is almost non-existent. We have had technology long enough that now people can’t remember life without it. Cell phones are our most prized possession and our most used accessory. Sadly it keeps people distracted from work, socializing, being productive in life, and most importantly – time with family.

I do not think the obsession with technology will ever change. We have been transformed and I believe it will only get worse. People will feel connected through being disconnected. Human interaction will no longer be valued and the importance of our existence will be placed on how many likes a picture gets and how many emoji’s a friend sends to express their love. People will not have the patience to sit through a movie at home without playing on their laptop and checking their cells.

Technology will slowly turn our brains to mush. We won’t engage for hours verbally nor appreciate quality time because our brains will be on constant overload surfing through the Internet for what to do next. We will become data entry specialists, simply loading details in our phones and using it as a tool to tell us where to go, what to do, and what birthday wish to send. Needing to know a phone number or address other than your own is now unnecessary. Paying attention to where you are going or memorizing places that a decade ago was important, is no longer needed thanks to Google maps and navigation systems. Our future with technology means that we will be turned on and off like a switch, and our brain’s memory function will all be stored for us in our smart phone.

As much as I love technology and am guilty of doing some of the things above that I think are ridiculous, I am curious to see how our lives evolve a decade from now. I doubt technology will enhance our intelligence or our social skills. I assume the future generations will not be able to comprehend life without a cell phone alerting them where to be, how to live, and what days are special. It breaks my heart to think that my nieces and nephews will be asked out on dates and told, “I love you,” for the first time over text or social media. Time will tell how much technology will advance or damage our humanity…. #veryscared

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Getting Knocked Up Is No Accident

Angelism: “With as much information as we have available to us, there is no way you can blame an accident for getting knocked up. Either you were safe & prevented it or you didn’t.”

 

I want women around the world to start taking ownership for their actions. I can’t stand to hear, “I accidentally got pregnant.” Last time I checked, pregnancy is no accident; it is a result of two people choosing to have sex. I don’t care that you used a condom and thought you were safe. If you read the label you know that condoms are not 100% effective, in fact they are considered only moderately effective. If you are trying to avoid pregnancy then you need to know the facts. It is your job to honor and respect your body and prevent this accident. IT’S YOUR JOB TO BE RESPONSIBLE. No blaming the existence of your child on a wild drunken night. Be knowledgeable on this topic and hold your partner accountable too. After all it takes two to tango! Now for my judgements:

1) For women who think an accidental pregnancy will bring you and your man closer together, SHAME ON YOU. Bringing a child into this world in the hopes to enhance or keep your relationship is purely selfish. If you do this, I disagree with you 100%. I feel sorry for your child and your man.
2) For women who don’t care if they do or don’t get pregnant and have sex with men with no consideration of what the man may want, SHAME ON YOU. Having casual sex with a man and not knowing where his level of interest is to be a father is disrespectful. You may think with or without a man you can raise a child, so who cares? That is true, however kids always like to know who their biological parents are and allowing a man to impregnate you without knowing if he is OK with being a father is unacceptable.
3) For women who get pregnant because they want to stay at home, raise a family, and no longer work, SHAME ON YOU. I guarantee you after a few years of being a stay-at-home mom you will re-think your decision. It is no walk in the park and you will crave adult interaction. The redundancy of day to day childcare along with household chores and family responsibilities will burn you out no matter how much you enjoy being domestic. If this is your family goal I think this setup is wonderful, but if you are having a baby “accidentally” to pressure your husband to be a stay at home wife, then you are awful!
4) For women who get pregnant so that the state can take care of them, SHAME ON YOU. Get your shit together and stop mooching off welfare. Knocking out babies for a paycheck is considered cheating the system. The money is not nearly as much as you’ll need to raise a child and send them to college so do something to better yourself. Get your life together, get a job, and set a good example.
5) For women who have children because they need love in their life and want somebody to love them unconditionally, SHAME ON YOU. Bringing a child into this world with a job to love you and help you feel more secure is disgusting.
6) For the women who carelessly go out and party, get drunk and have one-night stands, SHAME ON YOU. I am all for partying and having fun but your body and your future should take priority over a drunken, stupid night that knocks you up.
7) For every inexperienced, spoiled and rebellious teenager who thinks they know it all, who then goes out and gets pregnant to spite their parents or be cool in school, SHAME ON YOU. Now you have put pressure on many lives because you are a kid with a kid.
8) For all the women who have a child because their husband, parents, family, and friends pressured them into it, SHAME ON YOU. You should never be a mom if you do not have the absolute desire to be a mom. Since you can’t get pregnant on accident you can tell these people to piss off, you are not getting knocked up for them!
I want women to plan for having children and want them for the right reasons. So many children exist with no homes. Even worse, children live in broken homes because mom didn’t take control and plan a respectable life for herself and her children. Pregnancy should be honored and desired. Children will struggle enough growing up in today’s society with guns at school, challenging educational systems, issues with bullying, peer pressures to drink, do drugs and have sex, and difficulty making friends since we have become a society of 24 hour gossip and instant gratification. Everything is expressed via email and text constantly. Personal skills are vanishing and our future generations seem detached from emotion because they are zoned out on electronic stimulation from TV, Internet and video game violence. Parents need to be present with their children and be ready for the commitment that is required.
Ladies, wake up and be aware going forward that being responsible about pregnancy is your job. You may say, “What about the man? It’s his fault too!” I realize, he can get you pregnant, but you can prevent it. IT IS ALWAYS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! If you could get him pregnant it would be his responsibility; that’s not how the birds and the bees work. Taking sex lightly is not OK. There are ways to prevent having a baby. I should know because I have yet to even have a scare and believe me I have had plenty of sex. Using the birth control pill is very, very effective. If taken as advised, everyday and on time you will not get knocked up. If you do then you fall in the 1% and that would be considered an accident. A condom, combined with the shot or pill, is best. This way you prevent pregnancy and STD’s. Spermicides used with a condom are also quite effective.
Know your facts, protect yourself, think and plan responsibly, and give birth to a child that is wanted. Even planned kids are faced with divorce, death, challenges and daily struggles. But how nice to know that you have a child that you wanted, not one you got stuck with. For percentages on birth control effectiveness check out this information on WebMD. It is your duty to act responsibly when it comes to sex and making babies.
http://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/ss/slideshow-birth-control-options
Behaving in the way I describe above gives women a bad name. These are selfish actions, often intentional, that bring a child into the world under a stressful environment. Women who get knocked up for any of those reasons do not deserve to be parents. Yes, there are truly accidental circumstances. A woman can have that random irresponsible one-night stand, have a child as a result of it, act responsibly, and be a great mom. For that, I’m proud you did the right thing. That positive end result does not change the fact that it’s not the best approach to having children and likely not a situation you will promote as you raise your child.
I’m not expressing this to make moms who made any of the choices I listed above feel bad. We all make mistakes. I don’t disrespect you if you took ownership for what you did. However with today’s openness and early education about sex, you can no longer blame pregnancy on an accident. Set an example for future generations and take responsibility. Stop playing the female victim. When unlikely things occur like pregnancy because of rape (which is awful), because he had a vasectomy and you thought it was safe (very unfortunate), you fail to take the pill properly (big oops), or possibly because you are completely uneducated in what the result of having sex is (sad but can happen)… These reasons account for a very small percentage of women and are not the target audience here. Even if these unlikely events occurred, abortion or the morning after pill are options.
Be better, do better, plan better!
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I Wish Food Sucked!

Angelisms: “Life would be grand if steamed broccoli & carrots tasted as wonderful as double fudge cake with ice cream.”

If you follow my blogs, you know that I am no skinny-minnie. I am tall, curvy and soft and work my ass off at the gym. I have earned my girly figure by exercising harder than most thin and fit people. The benefit of all this exercise is I maintain a healthy, full, slightly overweight figure with some shape; not a fat, bouncy, blob-like body. If I don’t work out regularly, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have a big weight problem. I have fought this most of my life and I accept it. I am genetically challenged when it comes to being super fit and if vegetables tasted nearly as great as cheesecake, my journey to maintain a healthy weight would not be so complicated. Food is good, I love to eat, I always have. I like the taste of food and since I love my food hot, I tend to eat fairly fast. I appreciate many categories of food: Japanese, Chinese, Italian, Mexican, Indian and Thai, only name a few. This interest in many kinds of food does not work in my favor when trying to diet.
As if life isn’t hard enough it turns out all crap food tastes way better than all healthy food. This pisses me off. As much as I hate to complain and be negative, when it comes to managing my weight, I have real beef with the man upstairs. Many of you already know this stuff, but for shits and giggles, I will review the challenges of being a woman. For all you skinny bitches who can’t relate, laugh and be thankful you can eat whatever you want and still wear a size zero. For any of you sporting a spare tire or two, who work-out often and diet and struggle like me, enjoy every second of my rant:
“I carry around extra weight through my hips and thighs and no matter how many miles I run, how many stairs I climb, or how many pounds I lose, the extra weight stays there. I lug around boobs that have to weigh about five pounds each. Not sure what D size breasts equal in numbers, but they are not light weights to carry. Hell, I should have a ripped back just for pulling my boobs upright every day. No such luck! I have a bit of a muffin top (AKA spare tire), which I can’t figure out. I have done more sit-ups than days I have been alive and I still have a soft tummy. That is the truth people, I track this shit and it’s UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE that I still have chub of any kind in this area. What really blows my mind is I have been doing arm weights for over six years and no matter how many arm machines I do, my arm skin still looks slightly loose as if I don’t actually work them out at all. Solid underneath when I flex, but soft on the outside to the eyes of those around me. So unfair! On top of this, as a woman, I suffer from PMS that sneaks up on me monthly. Since this is my female blessing, the comfort I seek, the only comfort, is Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream. I am sure many of you will agree that the one scoop that equals a serving size, is never enough to satisfy. I prefer to eat the entire tub. Sad thing is that tub is about a full day’s worth of calories and there is no way in hell that will be all I eat in a day. DAMMIT! Carbs are evil, fat is the devil, and everything that tastes memorable goes straight to my ass!”
I hope I’m not the only one who feels this. I know mentally that overeating is bad for me. Maybe if I only had a period once a year, I could survive my crazy cravings that push me to overeat and indulge in crap as satisfying as a damn Oreo cookie cake. Multiple sugar and salt cravings every month with my menstrual cycle is a big fucking curse. A man faces none of this. Waking up with a hard on in your 30’s and 40’s, and having a beer belly because you drink every night when you sit your fat ass on the couch and watch TV is hardly what I consider a set-back. Going out with and extra set of tits on my back and cottage cheese on my thighs that is visible through my yoga pants and khakis is not cool. The worse part is, not only do I crave something as yummy as a chocolate shake from McDonald’s, but I want the extra salty french fries to go with it. Knowing this, saying it out loud and now writing it, makes me feel like a complete moron. Intellectually there is no excuse, my cravings should be controlled, and food should be looked at as an energy source only. Food solely as an energy source sounds awful! Sorry, when I am hungry and I have the option of a glass of water, tofu and vegetables or some beer, extra cheesy bacon mac and cheese and fried chicken, we all know which one is actually going to go in my mouth.
So I am back to, “I wish food sucked!” Life would be much easier if bad food did not exist. For those of you who can eat all you want and stay the same weight, “I secretly hate you!” Ha ha! I don’t really hate you but it felt good to say that. For all of you who can relate to me, I feel your pain. I wake up every day knowing that if I want dinner followed by a delicious dessert, I will be spending a minimum of an hour on the treadmill the next morning. I don’t, and won’t, ever deprive myself of delicious foods. For me it’s, “Exercise of be Fat,” and since I like to eat, the gym has become my best friend. I don’t know how to start a day without a workout. I don’t promote a chip guzzling, cookie crunching, butter overdosing lifestyle, where you eat whatever you want and join a gym to make your reckless eating habits OK. That is not my point. I do make healthy choices 75% of the time. I count my calories most days and I like nutritious foods. I make the effort to keep a fridge and pantry stocked with good for me stuff. I pay attention to what I eat and make sure it offers the nutritional value that my body needs. I buy organic and fresh foods which are helpful since my ability to portion control is nonexistent. Because I make an effort to eat right a majority of the time, I don’t deprive myself of splurging here and there on delicious foods that keep me full-figured.
I can’t say it enough, “I wish food sucked!” At least if all food tasted plain and boring, I would eat only for the purpose of refueling and survival. If celery sticks satisfied me the same way a Butterfinger did at the movies, I would not have to sweat for what feels like forever at the gym. It blows that I have to work-out hard to have some mouth watering pleasures. I think it’s an unnecessary evil. It’s obviously not going away so I accept it and keep plugging at my goal to lose fifteen pounds this year. I am only about three pounds down, so I have to get cracking.
PS: The first person who can invent a nutrition packed bowl of carrots, peas and beans that taste like a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Cake Batter Ice Cream will truly be a zillionaire. I will buy stock in it for sure!


 

 

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Never FAKE the “BIG O”

Angelism: “Get out of your own head & chase your physical wants & desires.”

Promise me, from this moment forward, you will never, ever, ever, fake an orgasm. Raise your hand and swear to me that you will make it a point to always achieve the “BIG O”, preferably multiple times if you can. If you fail at the “BIG O” the only valid excuse is you were super drunk or so exhausted you slept through it. Not reaching orgasm is the worse possible mistake a woman can make in a relationship. When you fake it, the only person who suffers is you. Your body warms up, the juices start flowing, your downstairs gets excited and starts its engine, and then your brain steps in and somehow becomes your vagina’s worst enemy. You deserve to feel the tingling, overwhelming, body twitching, toe-curling, steamy joy of a climax. Faking this pleasure eventually leads to frustration and resentment towards your partner.
When it comes to sex I always say that “doing it” needs to be a priority. I believe that women should orgasm first. In my experience, once a man has finished, sex is not all that exciting and his effort to keep up the good work fades fast. If you don’t climax first, plan on walking away sexually frustrated. However if you practice going first, he will quickly follow. All that clenching of the vagina around his penis will finish him off perfectly. 
Now if you are embarrassed by this topic that may be your vagina’s first problem. There is no reason to be shy or feel any shame. Sex is a wonderful thing and it’s best when you are achieving orgasm. The following are some of the reasons women don’t orgasm:
1) They put the partners needs first
2) Lack of knowledge of their body and how to climax
3) Embarrassed to orgasm in front of someone
4) Discomfort having sex with their partner 
5) Lack of confidence and low self esteem
6) Trauma from past such as molestation or rape
7) They feel it takes too long to get to climax so why bother
8) Too tired from work, kids, family or stress
9) Faith or religious beliefs get in the way
These are valid reason but nonetheless hold women back from pleasure. Never make up excuses that lead to unhappiness in the bedroom. Don’t focus on why you can’t orgasm, focus on ways you will orgasm. Experiencing pleasure with your mate is one of the best parts of a relationship. Without it, why bother? The dishes, house-cleaning, raising kids and managing the bank accounts need some relief. My solution, HAVE SEX!!! A good way to keep yourself interested is to masturbate, explore your body, and learn what works for you. Work on finding a mate that you feel comfortable sharing your sexual needs with. Good chemistry is important. It is your responsibility to show your lover what works for you and try new things along the way to enhance your experiences. 
I hope to encourage, inspire, and motivate women to put their sexual desires first. Believe me if you are satisfied in the sex department you will live a happier life. You will sleep better, feel healthier, have more energy, be more loving, and glow more than you ever have. Put your relationship first and make sure your needs are being met. Don’t let the negative, self-sabotaging thoughts stop your physical desires. If you need practice, or are single and want to warm up, buy a vibrator and get to it. I ask that you don’t always rely on a vibrator for stimulation as no man’s penis can compete with the sensation of AAA batteries. Mix it up so that your body can respond to flesh and toys.
Now I understand that abuse or fear may hold some of you back from enjoying sex. I would suggest you get help from a therapist so you can work towards being open to a loving and sexual relationship. I also know that accidents happen which change physical abilities in the bedroom; aging does too. Not all couples can have sex or want to. Sex is not for everyone. However, for the majority of women who are capable and wanting more satisfaction between the sheets, always set the standard to achieve the “BIG O” every time you do it. Don’t stop till you get enough! You deserve it and your man will be thrilled that you are enjoying the ride. 
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Groomed, Soft, & Emotional Men… WTF?

Angelism: “As hot and pretty as a groomed man can be, he should never take longer to get ready or be sexier & softer than me!”

Has anyone else noticed how incredibly groomed, soft, and emotional men have become? I have always found well trimmed, clean shaven, and fit men attractive, but how pretty do they need to be? A fancy man shows he is motivated to take care of himself and that he wants to live a healthy and long life; I can dig that. However the new obsession for men to pluck eyebrows, match clothes, buy shiny accessories, highlight their hair, sport fake tans, trim everything, get Botox and muscle implants, use man purses, and wear shoes with lifts in them is officially false advertising and is more vanity than I can handle. I get that we all want to look our best, but when a man is being waxed regularly and getting more manicures and pedicures than I am, it’s weird. 
The man continues to evolve as years pass. Just a decade ago, before Ryan Seacrest and Justin Timberlake hit the scene with a metro sexy style, I thought men were way more tough, fun, and rugged. It seems I woke up one day and it was OK for men to cry, have feelings, go to therapy, and stop doing man things. When I was growing up a man would come home from a physical job, drive up in his dirty truck, go inside and kiss his wife, say hi to the kids, take out the trash, tend to the yard, feed the dog, and then crack open a beer and watch sports and hang out with the family. Today’s man leaves his all day desk job, hands a $20 to the valet guy in exchange for his tiny washed Prius, swaps out his work shirt for a fashionable plaid, then meets coworkers for happy hour where he claims he is networking but really he’s eating fancy food and ordering some foo-foo drink that the girls like while singing some old Bon Jovi song that plays on the jukebox. To complete his 6am-9pm day he comes home, sets his laptop and gym bag down, (because lunch break workouts are totally cool), heads straight to the restroom while texting his coworkers that he’s home safe, showers, brushes and flosses teeth, conditions his hair and then crawls in bed. He then kisses his wife and watches Desperate Housewives of Beverly Hills with her all while checking his Facebook and playing video games on his phone until he passes out. OMG!!!! 
Maybe growing up watching Rambo, Terminator and Robocop gave me a false sense that men should be big, strong, dirty, intimidating, cool and rugged. I certainly didn’t imagine I would ever see men discussing designer jeans, their fear of being bald or fat, their interest in doing yoga instead of Pilate’s, and their preference for Starbucks lattes over Coffee Beans. Possibly I have lived in LA too long, the men here are quite fancy. Don’t assume that being a soft guy is bad. That is not what I am saying. However if you spend a lot of time primping, dieting, and worrying about your outfit and whether or not it works with what your wife is wearing, you may have lost your man card. Remember to compliment your woman rather than fish for compliments on how great your ass looks in them jeans. Fix the car when it’s broken, don’t send a lady to the mechanic. Set up the yard work contract if you don’t want to get your nails dirty and put out the mouse-traps and kill the damn spiders. Put together the kids toys and take out the trash. Lift some weights at the gym and maybe pass on the yoga and green tea addiction. I’m proud that men are flexible and they drink antioxidants but a man with a few calluses on his hands and a 5 o’clock shadow is hot. I like to know my man is smart enough to not create trouble but quick enough to throw a punch and protect me when the moment demands it.
So to all the soft men out there, please go do some man shit. In my house my dad replaced the oil, changed the tires, fixed the burnt out lights, painted the house, built furniture, maintained our garden and our hot tub, fixed the roof, and even organized his man tools; all while drinking a six pack of Budweiser. If you want to be treated like a man stop acting like a vagina. It’s OK to be a little metro and care more than the generations before, but be a sexy new kinda man who gets man shit done. Please only cry once or twice a year. I am all for the feminizing men but not at the loss of my handsome, protective, rough and tough dudes! I have a period every month, I get to cry, not you!
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Love Is My Religion

Angelism: “Love is my religion; with a good heart, a good intention, and an open mind, love can conquer all.” 

Today I had a rush of emotions and all I wanted to do was hug all those around me and spread love. I saw the movie 42 and felt such an internal sadness watching so much hate during a very racist time. This is the third film in the last few years that I have seen that has left me with a heavy heart. The Help, Django Unchained, and 42 all address the history of racism. These films make me grateful that I was fortunate enough to be raised in a different time and mindset. I happen to be a mixed breed with many nationalities in my gene pool. I have family from Spain, Italy, Portugal, and Poland. Here in America I was fair enough to be considered white. I never really had to face racism, I can’t even imagine how how hard that would be so I won’t even try. The closest thing to racism I experienced was people assuming I was Mexican because my last name ended in “ez”.
Growing up in California I feel I have always been a piece of a melting pot. Our state is diverse and I am proud that I was raised here. I am grateful that I learned love for all kinds of people. I loved my fellow classmates that were Asian, Filipino, African American, and Mexican. I love that I lived near San Francisco where I got to befriend some people in the gay community and witness their challenges. I worked at the GAP for ten years and remember feeling ecstatic when they announced they would be one of the first companies to offer health benefits to domestic partnerships. Now living in Los Angeles, I have been touched by the Jewish community and their traditions, religious beliefs, and challenges in history. I have traveled across the country, from Georgia to California, and unfortunately witnessed some states that still see in color. More reason for me to remain in California. These examples name just a few of my memorable experiences. I’ve learned that life is about loving, being kind to your neighbor, and being open to accepting new things. I embrace change, I remind myself to think outside the box, and I always consider how I would feel if the roles were reversed and it was me that was being judged and discriminated against.
I decided in the last few years that my religion would be LOVE. As much as I respect those who go to church, I respect those who don’t just as much. I grew up Catholic and for me church was limiting and had a way of making me feel guilty. I don’t need to feel guilty for anything, I don’t do anything wrong. I realized I could practice faith on my own. If I want to get closer to God’s story I will read the bible and interpret it for myself. I have faith in a higher power, I have love for my neighbors, I live an honest life, and although I make some mistakes here and there, I know I am genuinely a good person. All I need in this life is to share LOVE. So thank you Mr. Jackie Robinson, #42, for reminding me yet again today that love and openness to change is what will make our world a better place.

 

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Love Lessons…

Angelism: “Love may not be everything, but it is definitely something. Never underestimate its power.”

At the end of this month Scott and I celebrate our 13 year anniversary. It’s crazy to me that we have been together this long. It still feels new so I guess that is a good sign. As I reflect over our years together, and think back on all that we have been through, I realize that this is a love that has had plenty of highs and lows, fears and comforts, fights and agreements, fun and frustration, love and lust, disappointment and excitement, confusion and resentment, joy and passion, and most importantly friendship and commitment. I’m so proud that we have never given up. There was a time around year seven mark where we struggled. We were going different directions and not getting along. We decided to do the work and get on the same page rather than go our separate ways. Our love grew stronger because of it.
Through this relationship journey I have learned many things. I look forward to more loving and learning in the years to come. I know this love may not last forever but my wish is that it will. In the meantime I cherish these love lessons.
1) I’ve learned that love is in everything that you do. Love is a kiss goodnight or a romantic getaway. It’s the bite of food you share at dinner and the door he opens when you get to the car. Love is the fight that gets resolved without words, and the hand that gets held on a movie date. Love is in little things every day.
2) I’ve learned that love is mastering a sincere apology. It’s OK to be wrong or misunderstood. Saying, “I’m sorry” and meaning it, with no buts, no explanations, and no justifications, has been my biggest lesson. A simple, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me,” goes a long way.
3) I’ve learned that love is making time to date and have fun. Playing together whether it’s miniature golfing, a theme park, the water slides, a weekend getaway, or dinner and a movie; adventures always brings you closer together.
4) I’ve learned that love is patient. Not everything goes as planned and life takes you for turns you least expect. Just breathe and be patient.
5) I’ve learned that to love means to surrender control. Letting him take control sometimes allows me to trust and experience new things.
6) I’ve learned that it’s not your intention behind your words but how they are received by your partner. What I meant to say doesn’t always come across. Your good intentions may be misunderstood for negative ones and love is respecting how your partner feels regardless of how it hurts your ego.
7) I’ve learned that sex should be at the top of the love list. I don’t care how tired you are, how much your head hurts, or how much work you have to finish. Remind your mate that you are sexually attracted to them every chance you get.
8) I’ve learned that love means to be vulnerable. Being raw and honest with your partner will lead to comfort and a soft place to fall.
9) I’ve learned that I’m not perfect, I can be a bitch, I do make bad decisions, and at times my expectations are unreasonable. Live with anyone longer than a few years and you will quickly learn what you need to work on to better yourself. Love is recognizing you can not fix the other to be as perfect as you.
10) I’ve learned that love is respecting your mates family, regardless of your opinion of them. Every family has their own dysfunction; respect boundaries and don’t dwell in the drama.
11) I’ve learned that it’s OK to fight for what you believe in. True love respects differences and grows stronger because of them.
12) I’ve learned that love means you sometimes you have to do what you don’t want to do to make your partner happy. Compromise is key. Go to that work dinner, attend that family event, or see a movie you would normally never see. I assure you, you will want that same respect in return.
13) I have learned that pointing the finger only makes you look stupid. There is no need to make someone WRONG so you can be RIGHT. To love means to talk it out without placing guilt or wrongdoing.
14) I’ve learned that a wink, a hug, a kiss, or a nod go a long way. Recognizing one another in a room is always a great way to show love.
15) I’ve learned to love means to listen. There is a difference between hearing what was said and understanding what you have heard. I now listen with focus and show more concern about what the other is saying rather than what I want to say next.
16) I’ve learned that love is forgiving. You can get in fights that seem like deal breakers and a month later not even remember what you fought about.
17) I’ve learned that the grass is not always greener on the other side so don’t take for granted what you have. If your love is good on the majority of the days, trust that it’s worth it and believe in the power of love to see you through.
18) I’ve learned that love is a chance you take. It’s a risky adventure but a fun one if it’s true.
19) I’ve learned that trust is a must, without trust you have nothing.
20) I’ve learned that you must remain independent of one another. If you don’t nurture your career, friendships, and family outside of your relationship you will lose who you are. Love grows when you maintain independence.
21) I’ve learned to keep him guessing. Be a fun, unique, clever, inventive, and exciting person. Acting a little crazy sometimes keeps love interesting.
22) I’ve learned that life throws you curve-balls. Just when you think you know all there is to know about love, life hits you with a reality check and you must learn all over again. Embrace change together.
23) I’ve learned that I need to stay strong when he is weak. In return he will do the same. Try not to fall down at the same time. Having a cheerleader in your corner who understands you when you are down is what love is all about.
24) I’ve learned that we are different people, and that what I once loved most about my partner is often what I hate. For example, I love he is passive, it means I can take control. However that passiveness sometimes means a lack of motivation to do things or makes decisions which then means I feel pressured to do everything. I love it but I hate it. Learn to recognize these judgements and move right on through. To love is not to change but embrace.
25) I’ve learned that love is seen and felt just as much as it is expressed.
26) I’ve learned that I can’t say, “I love you,” enough. Everyday is a new day, and every day deserves to begin and end with, “I love you.”
Love is taking the good from each moment. If you have something worth holding onto, trust it. If it doesn’t work out that’s OK. Love is everywhere. Some people love many individuals in a lifetime, others have one soul mate for life. No matter what your story, learn your lessons, change, grow, and celebrate. When in love, not every day is easy, but every day is worth it!

 

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Cheating… Who is to Blame?

Angelism: “The quickest way to ruin a relationship is to cheat. Love doesn’t last long when there is no trust.”

My boyfriend and I have very different viewpoints on cheating and who is to blame. Cheating has never been an issue between us since we have both been faithful, at least to my knowledge, but the challenge is we think differently about who takes the heat for infidelity. So who do you point the finger at when your mate turns to another person for sex and intimacy?
I feel that a relationship is between two people, the two that made the commitment to each-other. The person who needs to stay strong and be true to me is the one who vows to do so. I need to be faithful in return. When a third party gets involved, I expect that my mate will be responsible for fighting off any urges to stray in order to remain monogamous to me. If my man cheats on me with a person at his work, a bartender, a stripper, or a friend of a friend who I have never met, do I blame him, her, or both? This is tough question to answer because there are many different opinions. I happen to feel that the person responsible would be my man, and my man feels that both people are to blame.
It seems in society that people like to put the blame on the third party equally when the one they should really have frustration and disappointment with is their mate who shattered the trust. I agree that the third party who gets involved with a spoken for person has done something irresponsible, but it happens, and people cheat everyday and don’t feel guilty about it. If they truly felt guilt they wouldn’t do it. If a stranger has the hots for your man, knows he is taken, but wants to get naked with him anyway, who are you to think she should hold back? What can you really expect from a stranger? Does this make her a bad person, or a human acting on impulse and living in the moment? If I sleep with a waiter while on a girls only vacation, the waiter is not to blame, I am.
The divorce rate in this country is over 50%. People are obviously cheating often, don’t think you are exempt. The sooner you accept this as a possibility, the less painful it will be if you are faced with it. I have family members and friends who have cheated and I don’t think they are evil, I think they are human. It takes a strong, happy, committed, loving, honest and respectful relationship, to stay totally true and faithful for decade after decade. That kind of commitment requires you to stop your hormones and desires every time they stray to thoughts of, “What if?” You have to be excited about going home to the same lover every day of your life and reinvent yourself over and over again so you don’t get bored. You have to be a person of so much integrity and faith that when and if you have desires to be involved with someone outside of your relationship, you choose not to act on it and instead go home to your partner and work it out. Realistically, how many people actually fall into this highly honorable category? A 100% true relationship requires a lot of work and willpower to avoid every temptation along the way for years and years.
Although I say I would only blame the lover that actually cheated on me, I have one exception to that rule. This is what confuses my boyfriend. I told him if he ever cheated on me with a dear friend, I would blame them both. The way I see it is anyone who I know and love, who has a commitment to me to respect and be loyal to me, should not engage in this kind of promiscuous behavior behind my back. So yes, be pissed if your best friend sleeps with your man. I say disown them both for betraying your trust. However, if he hooks up with a bartender, then it’s not her fault. There are many people in this world who have no real feelings. They sleep with someone without any regard for the other person. Many of them don’t even know there is another person to be concerned about. You can blame this third party person all you want but the fact is, if they cared they would not have done it. The person who was supposed to care, have your back and honor you no matter what, is your partner. When your mate sleeps with another person with no regard or respect for how it will make you feel, that is the enemy, that is who you blame.
My boyfriend feels both people are to blame so we agree to disagree. I get what he is saying to a certain extent. I don’t think women or men should encourage, or put effort towards having sex with married/ committed people unless both parties agree it’s OK. I think passing the buck to the third party is a way of blaming someone other than the love of your life for ruining your relationship. I admire that my man cared enough about this topic to have a conversation about it. I’m also grateful that our differences of opinion didn’t get in the way of us having sex later that day. It amazes me that after almost 13 years together we can still challenge each other’s thoughts like this and be mature about it.
What do you think about cheating? For me, anyone who gives into cheating is not a person of enough integrity and respect for me to be with, or waste my time being mad at. I would cut the ties, forgive, never forget, and walk away knowing I did nothing wrong. When someone cheats, everything is lost; faith, trust, hope, love, and a future of comfort and commitment. You feel a pain that is unexplainable and in a moments time all you thought you had, the love you feel existed all those years, is over. Having full trust again of the person who strayed is impossible. The unfaithfulness will haunt you if you stay. In my opinion, someone who cheats doesn’t deserve your love, move on.
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Exercise or be FAT!

Angelism: “If you don’t move your body you lose your body.

 
“Exercise or be fat!” I have come to the realization that without regular exercise and constant awareness of what I put in my mouth, I will be fat; not a little fat, a lot fat. Some women have the luxury of eating all they want, never working out, and being a size zero. Other women can workout a day or two a week, watch their diet, and maintain their weight. I don’t fit in these categories. I look at pizza and my zipper pops open.
A decade ago I had two knee surgeries that had me gimping around for eight months. This situation contributed to a 25 pound weight gain. I was officially the heaviest I had ever been and tipped well into the 200 pound category which was more than I could wrap my head around. I was miserable and my problem solver was Ben and Jerry’s ice cream for comfort. Every day recovering from knee surgeries I struggled with pain and felt defeated. The additional weight I was lugging around made me weak and weighed me down. I became lazy in life for a short time and it took a toll on my body instantly. My cholesterol numbers went up and I was winded walking up one flight of stairs. I knew if I did not do something immediately, my weight would skyrocket. I made a commitment to myself to exercise a minimum of three days a week for the rest of my life. This was quite a big goal. I started out with 30 minutes of cardio three days a week, then increased it to four. After a few months I was spending more time at the gym and feeling much better. It took me three years of being cautious of what I put in my mouth, and a minimum of three days a week of exercise, to lose the 20+ pounds I gained. Eight months to gain it and 36 months to lose it. What a joke!!! I know many of you can relate. Regardless of how long it takes me to get to my ideal weight, being healthy is my goal. I am about 10-15 pounds overweight according to the doctors, but I am 5’10 and fit. Maybe I’m not fit on paper, but in real life, I can kick some ass. I ran a half marathon with two bum legs and 188 pounds of strong and healthy woman curves.
Now my focus is to forever stay away from that 200 number no matter what. Today I biked for 5 miles, walked one mile, did 45 minutes of heavy arm weights, and stretched. I will be lucky to maintain my weight for the day. I didn’t eat like a pig, but I didn’t deprive myself either. I have tried all kinds of diets and nothing makes me skinny. I love all types of foods, variety keeps my taste buds happy. So does wine! All this training at the gym and no rewards would suck! Since genetics is not on my side, if I want to enjoy food, I can fight obesity by MOVING. So my quote, “Exercise or be fat,” is a reminder of the consequence I face if I’m lazy. I wish this was not the circumstance but I accept it. For all you skinny girls, be grateful; for those of you needing some motivation to shed the extra pounds, maybe this story will be that little push. Get moving, it makes all the difference.
Before I sign off, I want to announce that I am proud that my goal to exercise a minimum of three days a week has not been broken for a decade. I have fit in my workouts on weeks I was sick, traveling, tired, or too busy. The result is I FEEL GREAT! I was serious the day I made this choice to live well; no turning back now. Unless someone runs me over, good luck stopping me!
Step 1 – Know your number. If you don’t own a scale, get one. The number does not lie!