Need help? Have a burning question? Too embarrassed to talk to your family and friends? Be advised my advice is simply advice. It's sometimes motivational and other times sarcastic and brutally honest. What you do with it is your choice. It's available to you because I enjoy helping others. I want to turn a negative into a positive. Family and friends often make life's situations worse than they are when all you need is guidance and support during a confusing time. I believe our souls have a strength and power far beyond our wildest dreams. Through sharing we learn. Anything goes...dating, relationships, sex, money, spirituality, friendships, family, gossip, fashion, entertainment, etc. If you have a burning question, a complex situation that you need help analyzing, or a random concern, then write me. I can't promise my advice will be what you want to hear but it can be eye-opening and life changing. You may not be able to afford a psychologist so I will do my best. At least my advice is free so why not give it a try?
Angel's Advice
Asked by Pissed off Daughter in Law, CA
I just found out my mother-in-law told my husband that he should divorce me because I won't give him kids. Little does she know he doesn't want kids and neither do I which is why we are so good together. Why can't in-laws just mind their own business. I think he passes off the "no kids" thing on me to avoid the conflict with his mom but seriously?!?! I have been nothing but good to these people for the five years we have been married. Now that I'm in my thirties they obviously feel pressed for time and are pushing him to be with someone else as my fertility is running out. UGH!!!! What do I do?
Angel's Advice:
Oh do I know how you feel on this one. My parents and in-laws don't want us to break up like yours do, however I'm in my mid thirties with a man who doesn't want kids and neither do I. I know our decision is hard for them to relate to. What can you do? You can't please everyone and the way I see it is our parents should not have brought us into this world expecting grand-kids. That's pressure no child needs in life especially as an adult child who has the right to make their own decisions. The best you can do is understand that the in-laws are hurt. They had a vision of what their sons adult life would be and they have to accept something else. In time they will get over it and I simply ask that you be mature, understand their disappointment and stick to your guns on being a couple without children. Many people don't understand this choice but I do and at the end of the day all that matters is that you and your husband see eye to eye on this. Also, do ask that your hubby clarifies to his family that he is on board with not having children. He absolutely should extend that support to you in your relationship. Good luck!
Asked by Concerned Mom, Los Angeles, CA
I'm a young mom and my daugher is 25. I raised her on my own and we were always really close. I'm concerned that she might be using drugs. Over the last couple years, she has become more distant. Lately the distance has been accompanied by irratability, short temper, scatter brain, messy, argumentative, defensive, always running late, no time for family, etc. She works about 6 days/wk and she has a steady boyfriend with whom she spends most of her free time with.
She drinks socially and we have a lot of mutual friends. I have run into her a couple times where I know she has been drinking and her behavior is more erratic than that of a normal buzz from alcohol. I strongly feel she is doing more than just drinking alcohol. I have asked her about drug use, which of course she denies. I decided to go through her purse recently (bad idea, I know). Sure enough there was a tiny little baggie which I assume was cocaine in it! I'm absolutly beside myself. I want to confront her but don't know how. She will probably get defensive and tell me she holding the stuff for a friend. Her father is an on again/off again drug addict and I have always emphasized to her the negative impact drug use can have on your life and she seemed to understand and said she never wanted to be like her father. I'm crushed and my heart hurts for my daughter. I would like to help her take control of this before it gets the best of her. I have considered an intervention at home, but I want to be absolutely sure of what I'm facing, she swears "I don't do drugs like that". Since you seem to be about my daughter's age I'm hoping you can enlighten me as to how to approach this from a young person's point of view. Thank you.
Angel's Advice:
Thank you so much for sharing your story. This is a tough situation to be in. On one hand your daughter is a grown woman who you have always trusted and adored and it's complicated when you begin assuming the worst of her. You can understand her frustration. On the flip side, because you are her mom and your instincts are usually correct, the behavior and finding of a little bag in her purse proves your assumption. The worst part about drug use, especially in the beginning stages, is the fact that the user thinks they have the drugs under control. One who starts using drugs thinks they are managing it and simply doing it for fun. Eventually the drug takes over and then it becomes an addiction in which the user will fight to the death to protect. Regardless of whether her father was into drugs, all it takes is that one daring moment in a person’s life where they try something, and if they like it, they are hooked. So what can you do? If she is addicted and using, and her behavior continues to spiral negatively, it will be your job to step up and save your daughter’s life. Drugs never enhance life, they ruin it. Ever sober person knows this. You can do a few different things. You can tell her that you are concerned for her and to put your mind at ease you would like her to take a drug test every week for a month. If she is not on drugs she will be happy to prove to you that she's not. Every child likes to prove their parent wrong! If she's defensive, that's just another sign she is using. You can ask her friends or other family members if they are concerned or notice any change in her behavior. If they don't notice and you are the only one then this will be difficult. The hope is that her boyfriend, friends, or your family members, recognize her negative changes and are confident speaking to her about them. At this point an intervention can take place. The only way to help her will be to get her in rehab. She will need to go for at least a few weeks. Many people want to leave after a week when they are de-toxed and feel that their work is done - not the case. She should stay until the doctors at the facility feel she is truly ready. Much of addiction is deeper than just having fun on a drug. People use drugs to escape and she has to learn how to manage what she is running from. I wish you all the best and please do write in again if you have further questions or find some resolve in this situation. It's a touchy subject but by the sounds of it, I'm positive you know what you have to do. As a woman your daughters age, I would be very upset with you but once I was healed I would have nothing but gratitude and thanks for your efforts saving my life. Be ready though for her to be extremely mad with you first. Through the healing and positive change she will begin to appreciate you again.
Asked by Fun Girl, WA
I have been dating this really cool guy for a little over a year now. I have fallen in love with him but he seems to be super insecure about stuff. When I go out without him he is constantly texting me and asking me questions like, WHERE ARE YOU AT? WHO ARE YOU WITH? WANT TO COME OVER AFTER? and SHOULD I BE WORRIED? I feel it's a little much but I do love my time with him. I happen to have a lot of work girlfriends that I like to hang with and a guy tagging along is not wanted by any of us. How do I manage his insecurities? Do you think it will ever change?
Angel's Advice:
It's obvious you are dating an insecure man. If in the first year he is already up in your business every time you go out with the girls I can promise you he will not change. The problem with insecure men is their lack of trust. Insecure men want you around them all the time so they can feel safe from you straying. They fear life without you so much that they try to cripple you by showering you with constant attention and concern. Without trust your relationship success rate is easily cut in half. The best you can do since you love him is to be very clear and up front with him about how important your girl time is. Remind him that he is number one and that you want him to trust you as you do him. Express to him that you love him but do not appreciate (nor find attractive) his constant follow-up with you when you are out socializing with your friends. You may need to tell him that if he can't change this habit you may not be right for one another.
Asked by queen funemebra
Hey Angel, I have a few problems that I'm not too sure how to deal with. One, I've been out of work for an entire year now. I used to do security but now have a health situation that won't allow me to stand and walk for long periods of time. I desperately need to get a job. I'm having a hard time finding jobs that are less stress on the body or that don't require a training program or schooling to start (schooling is expensive). Problem two, I'm against immunizations and anything that is not natural. I really want to put my three year old son in a day care or a pre-k program but they demand that I immunize him before I place him in one of these programs. Religion and knowledge won't allow me to get him immunized and I'm running out of choices.
Angel's Advice:
In managing problem number one you are going to have to tackle job hunting like a warrior. It's a tough job market out there but you do have experience and skills so you need to play them up. See if you can find a website or local community center that can offer tips and help with your resume and job hunting. Put your resume on every free site possible and apply for multiple types of jobs. I want you to create a minimum of three resumes. Crazy I know but each resume should have a different feel. One for maybe a sit-down, low activity, security job for any company whether it be retail, a parking garage or a hotel. Create another resume geared toward an office job and lastly a resume focused on customer service. Think about all of your skills and work the words in your favor. For example if in your security job you had to work with others, take charge and be a leader then you can transfer that over to a small office management position as you have leadership skills, are self-motivated and obviously can use a computer. You can find a job if you are willing to knock on many doors. Ask your friends if they know of any work available and check websites like Craigslist daily. Many credit card companies, corporate offices, banks and such have customer service positions and they train you within. They offer sit down jobs that allow you to get up and move around every once in a while. If you can answer a phone, be polite and use a computer for basic stuff you can do the job. Go directly to any companies website and see what kind of jobs are available. As for problem number two there is not much you can do about that. Once you have a child that child becomes a product of the system that must abide by the laws. Your child having those immunizations is for the safety of the child and people in society. If it's because of a religious belief then look into school being offered through that church. If it's a personal thing than you will have to research all schools available and see if there is one you can find that is structured different. It will be tough and you may find homeschooling as your only option. I have not heard of any child being able to attend school without meeting certain medical criteria. Much luck to you in these areas. Feel free to write in again.
Asked by Nosey M-I-L, Florida
Hi Angel, I have gotten advice from you before and it is in the process of working! Now, I have another issue. I'm sure you have many questions about nosy mother-in-laws. Mine is a tad bit different. I have a few scenarios I want you to know about before you give me your advice. I work in the same office building as my mother-in-law. We work for different companies that are in no way associated. On numerous occasions she has been seen going through papers on my desk. While I have nothing to hide, I feel that this is a huge invasion of my privacy. I have walked in my office a few seconds behind her to see her (with my own eyes) leaning over my desk and turning a document her way to be able to read it better. The most recent instance being that I was discussing a vehicle situation with someone else to her. Before I was finished telling her the story, her reply was, "I already know I saw the papers on your desk when you were on vacation." I have discussed the situation with my husband and he said that however I choose to handle it he is behind me 100%. He of course has no idea how to handle it. It being his mother he is stuck in the middle. Please help.
Angel's Advice:
I’m happy to hear that you are using my previous advice and that it is in the process of working for you - how fantastic! I thank you for writing in again with your new complicated situation. As for this touchy subject above, I do believe you have to say something to her. It’s not appropriate for your mother-in-law to be snooping around at your desk. Your desk holds your personal business, the business of your company and the business of co-workers and friends, all of which does not apply to her. Without attacking her, I would say something like the following: “Mom (if you call her that), I want you to know that my co-workers and I have seen you going through papers on my desk and although I have nothing to hide it makes me uncomfortable. I’d like to request that you no longer do that.” Give her a minute to digest your comment. She may get defensive and that’s OK. Let her say what she needs to and without attacking her remind her you simply wanted to share how you were feeling and that you would greatly appreciate if she could stop doing that. If for any reason she is challenging you and feels it’s her right to snoop through your space you may need to take it a step further. You can always ask her, “Why are you at my desk touching my papers when I’m not around?” It would be interesting to hear her answer. Don’t make it a fight or something that causes tension between you, your husband and family. If she is a kind and smart woman, she will stop and respect your wishes. If she is selfish enough to not care about your feelings then you may need to tidy up your desk more so that anything of interest to her will no longer be there or accessible. She can’t snoop if there is nothing to find. Hope this helps. Send me a success story if it does. Good luck to you!
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